Hello Stranger, how are you doing today?
Remember as kids we were conditioned: Do not talk to strangers!
Pic courtesy Wix
Recently a friend of mine called after 20 years. Ten minutes into the conversation, he shared a personal crisis he was facing because he didn’t have the courage to speak to his current circle of friends and family about it. He said they know me as someone who always fought for them or they won’t accept that I am affected and I have to continue my facade to keep them happy.
He called me later saying the half an hour he spoke to me was so fruitful for him. A string of thoughts later, I realised that why speaking to our family and immediate inner circle of friends when are in trouble, depressed or anxious; may not always be the best of things to do.
We are at the end of the Mental Health Week as I write this and a host of articles, videos not to mention Insta Reels have made us aware that it is something that needs attention. The premise is that each of us in our small and big ways is susceptible to issues that affect our mental well being. Add to it the pandemic and it has just got a lot more of us talking about Mental Health. The isolation, fear of one’s death and the death of loved ones. Imagine 7 million COVID deaths! Can we fathom the number of people dealing with loss? Substance abuse, depression, social isolation, anxiety all of these have been on a rise. Apart from deaths and isolation, even the sudden exponential liberalisation of nomadic lifestyles is adding on to psychological issues.
1) If you already took that path, now what next!
2) You look at others who are living a nomadic life, but you can’t!
The connection between the call and the mental health one might ask.
Reach out! Almost every discussion on mental health asks us to reach out. If you are suffering, reach out. If you see someone suffering reach out. We reach out to ourselves, try telling our little beautiful 1400gms brain that what it imagines as anxiety is a very small problem, and don’t overthink it. It’s easier said than done. Why can’t we ask our brain to simply shut up, is another topic altogether! The UNICEF Gallup survey this year has shown youth in the age group of 15-24 in India are reticent to seek support for mental health issues.
We clearly have a problem reaching out. Whom does one reach out to and how?
In today’s connected world, six hours of internet outage gave raised heart rates, anxiety amongst other things to people as they were unable to connect with people online. Some of you may be surprised that a good majority of them were strangers who never met in real life. Millions are talking to random strangers online every day. Be it the geo political conversations on Twitter or the fams on Instagram or the random stranger/potential partner on Tinder, we get quite friendly with a stranger. Especially online, we just don’t need to wear our masks, quite literally and metaphorically!
Nah, I am not talking about talking to these strangers on the Internet! Talking to these can be quite dangerous; you should never share information. I am talking about those Professional Help Strangers ,Peer Support Groups & the ones you can say, Hello stranger, long time, and no see!
When you have a problem or when you are feeling destroyed, talking about it to people who do not know you can be more comfortable than speaking to someone you know closely like my friend did. Reasons can be many; the baggage you carry seems a lot less without your friend’s perception of you weighing you down or the simple fact that they are less prone to look you or the issue with very little biases. Most problems get solved if they are not chronic mental health issues, with a good-hearted laugh over coffee/beer with long lost/meet again friends or strangers. As strangers we mostly acknowledge each other’s journeys, struggles and even our facades/filters.
Compare this with what our inner circle might be weighed down by;
1) Our facades: We all grow with some, why, because of our survival instincts, we never want to show our weak side to anyone, primarily for survival.
2) You are strong: If you talk about our generation and parents, they are not wrong when they say “you don’t have any issues”, “you are a strong person”. We have to understand that they have been raised in a world where no one talked about Mental Health. They overcame it by living in Denial and the hard fact is… it did work for many!!
3) I don’t know how to help you: If you start sharing with your inner circle, the comfort you find with them makes you go in a loop and repeat your problems so many times. They probably won’t know how to help you and both get frustrated over the lack of outcomes which might eventually affects the relationship.
Of course, while strangers can often be helpful, they cannot be a substitute for professional help. A counsellor or therapist allows you to discover your issues in a secure way. They are trained to be non-judgmental and will stay away from unhelpful phrases like, “You are strong, you can’t be weak!” which our friends or parents might end up saying because they think all you need is motivation! Seeking a professional also ensures that one doesn’t get into a Hell loop of echoing your thoughts continuously for hours. How? Firstly, a counsellor/therapist or whoever it is that you choose to reach out to spend years understanding issues and secondly, we pay them for the hours we spend with them. Seeking professional help is a better way to be heard and there are techniques that are applied in a timely manner as you discover real issues.
Getting help is easy, Getting help outside is important!
The next time, check out that ‘long time no see’ stranger or a therapist while you are walking with your closed ones in your journey of anxiety. Check if you are harming closed ones with your continuous echoing of your problems. Instead have a fling of thoughts with that stranger and definitely seek professional help.
Like a lot of other things in life, a professional service is non- judgmental, detached and gets things done !
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